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:: Tuesday, December 24, 2002 ::

Best go go dancing ninja assasin film ever

With holidays coming up, you’re probably thinking: ugh, family… how can I make that time pass more quickly. If you’re like most people, you probably haul home a bunch of movies from Blockbuster and say as little as possible.

But what to watch? Upon what can Mom, Dad, Bro, Sis and the in-laws agree? Westerns? Horror? Sci-fi? Romance? Someone will feel left out. What you need is a film with something for everyone.

What if there were a film with action, mobsters, romance, stolen gold, gadgets, and go-go-dancing ninja-assassins? I think you could call such a film ‘fun for the whole family.’ ‘But surely no single film could contain all those elements,’ you say. Well believe it or not, one film does. It’s an obscure Japanese film entitled ‘Ore ni sawaru to abunaize.’

Of course, you know it as the Black Tight Killers

Now here’s a film not afraid to get in your face.

It’s a love story featuring Hondo Daisuke (Akira Kobayashi), an intrepid young war correspondent back from Saigon where he covered the first fight between the NVA and the beloved US Army in which the combatants substituted fireworks for real ammunition. Not since this film has the pink haze of battle been more fully realized on celluloid.

On the flight home, he meets Yoriko Sawanouchi (Chieko Matsubara), a stewardess for JAL who is as pretty as she is unwilling to proof-read her subtitles.

Hondo gets Yoriko’s phone number and invites her out to dinner, where they really hit it off. The perfect night, actually -- but for the ominous presence of a rather improbable ‘Carlos.’ Carlos is quickly dispatched by the eponymous Black Tight Killers

Hondo takes on the Black Tight Killers, and acquits himself fairly well (considering there are six of them). But he is defenseless against their ninja-chewing-gum bullets. With Hondo temporarily blinded, The Black Tight Killers make good their escape.

While Hondo calls the police to report Carlos’ murder, somebody kidnaps Yoriko. Was it the mafia? The Yakuza? The Black Tight Killers? The police couldn’t care less because they figure Hondo as the prime suspect in Carlos’ murder. It’s up to Hondo’s American (2) friend (who also can’t spell subtitles worth a damn) to bail him out of jail.

Now Hondo must find and rescue Yoriko by plunging into the seedy world of nightclubs, go-go dancers and the American (2) military brats of Okinawa.

Kickin’ it American (2) style, Hondo interrogates the mafia with a flamethrower and learns that they seek Yoriko because she may know the location of a cache of Imperial Japanese (14) gold, thought lost since WWII.

Meanwhile, Yoriko can't or won't spill the beans about the gold, so the mafia take her to their secret island fortress.

Hondo arms himself with a ninja cannon, storms the island fortress, shoots down a helicopter and saves Yoriko.

When Hondo and Yoriko make it back to civilization, Hondo asks Yoriko out for a second date. Yoriko wisely declines, as she knows where that might lead (more kidnapping, laughing gas and go-go dancing assissins). Plus she saw Hondo get a bit fresh with one of the Black Tight Killers, and she's looking for a more stable relationship. Chasened, Hondo realizes he has a lot to learn about life.

Oh, what of the gold, and what happened to the Black Tight Killers? Well you'll just have to watch the film and find out. Time well spent, if you ask me.

Two ears up

:: Anna 7:10 PM [+] ::

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