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:: Tuesday, December 31, 2002 ::

Kronos is a film which has pretty much everything you want in a bad movie:

Big Stars,
Big Words,
Big Atomic Explosions,
Big Cars, and
Big Robot Monsters from Outer Space

The film begins on a dark and stormy night. A meteorite falls to Earth and promptly takes over a passing motorist. This trucker's headed to Labcentral, where he overpowers the gate guard and transfers his alien intelligence to Chief Scientist Dr. Hubbell Elliot.

Meanwhile Dr Leslie Gaskell and his trusty sidekick Dr. Arnold Culver ponder the unusual orbit of asteroid M47 (hey, isn't M used to denote Messier objects?). Besides, it sure doesn't look like either!

Leslie's girlfriend Vera works in Labcentral's darkroom. Leslie and Vera have a movie date tonight, if she can pull him away from his giant vacuum tube computer named SUSIE (Synchro Unifying Sinometric Integrating Equitensor)

Sorry, the date's off: Leslie determines that asteroid M47 is headed straight for Earth! The Army launches it's fighting V-2's in an attempt to destroy the asteroid in space (hey, that sounds familiar...)

No luck: the missiles do no damage (but seem to have an effect on evil Dr. Elliot), and M47 crashes into the Pacific off the Mexican coast.

Leslie and Arnold fly down to Mexico in their trusty Bell-47. Hmmm... Asteroid M47 and a Bell Model 47. Coincidence or connection? They've rented space in a beach cottage from a local family. Warning: Mexican Stereotypes Ahead! Apparently Mexican cuisine does not agree with Arnold.

As the afternoon fades to dusk, and with no sign of M47, Leslie and Vera spend an evening on the beach. It looks like this mission is a bust, and Leslie will catch hell when they return to Labcentral. But at least Vera has some time alone with her boyfriend. She proposes marriage:

Vera: Will you marry me?
Leslie: Can you cook?
Vera: I wrote the book!
Leslie: Do you think you'll be able to respect a husband who's probably pulled the scientific boner of all time?

Friends, that exchange makes the entire film worthwhile.

Meanwhile trouble's a brewing in the Pacific. Maybe this expedition isn't a wash after all.

At the same time in America, evil Dr. Elliot (who we now realize has a telepathic rapport with M47) is checked into a mental hospital. Only electro-shock therapy seems to provide relief so his psychiatrist orders daily therapy.

Guess what washes ashore during the night? It's Kronos, ravager of planets. Note the outhouse for scale.

Now what would you do if a giant alien robot washed up on the beach? Fly out and land on it? I didn't think so, but the folks at Labcentral have other ideas. They even get to take a peak inside.

As Kronos slowly creaks to life, Arnold, Leslie and Vera fly off to safety. Meanwhile back in the US, evil Dr. Elliot breaks his restraints and confronts his psychiatrist. He knows too much, so evil Dr. Elliot throws him against his own electro-shock apparatus and electrocutes him. Is there anything electricity can't do?

Kronos is on Earth to drain power ('both electrical and atomic power!'). Evil Dr. Elliot gets a list of Mexican power plants and orders Kronos forth!

Kronos stomps over to Naverros Electro Power Plant. The Mexican Air Force's fighting P-51 are no match for the mighty robot.

Having recharged its batteries, Kronos stomps on in search of more electrical and atomic power. Evil Dr. Elliot is telepathically at the controls.

Terrified Mexicans run for their lives to avoid getting trampled underfoot.

The scientists head back to Labcentral for a strategy session. Leslie can't believe evil Dr. Elliot approved the mighty USAF's plan to nuke Kronos. Doesn't he know the giant robot can absorb electrical and atomic energy? Leslie begins to get suspicious about evil Dr. Elliot. Meanwhile, a B-47 takes off for a rendezvous with destiny!

When Vera accidentally discovers Dr. Elliot's true evil nature, he tries the same electrocution ploy on her. Leslie rushes in to save the day -- it's Dr. Elliot's turn to face the conductors.

First it's daily electroshock therapy, now an accidental zap. Dr. Elliot really gets a charge out of this movie. By the way, each time he gets a shock, his true identity emerges. Fighting back the evil presence, he discloses the aliens' master plan: to suck Earth dry of all energy (atomic and electrical).

Back in Mexico, the B-47 is closing in on Kronos. Leslie contacts the mighty USAF and convinces them to abort the mission. Too late: Kronos unleashes his tractor beam and snags the bomber. Kronos will not be denied his atomic energy!

Oh, great now Kronos is HUGE and headed for Los Angeles. Time for Leslie to hatch a cunning plan...

Got that? All they need is a shower of Omega particles (not defined) to reverse Kronos' polarity and he'll destroy himself. The mighty USAF whips up a jet bomber (stock YF-100 footage) and it's bombs away and bye-bye Kronos.

Kronos goes up like, well, an A-Bomb. And right in the middle of suburban LA. Good thinking Leslie! Anyway, show's over, and the moral is: if they send more, we'll know how to stop them.

Kronos is obviously a film that tries to be a big idea picture. It's got more treknobabble than... Trek. I guess you had to be there in the '50's when people were not as scientifically literate as they tend to be today. I like to watch UFO abduction retrospectives, with old eyewitness accounts of being taken by visitors from Venus. Today that's just to funny. This film suffers from the same lack of authenticity. Hey Kronos, what's the big idea?
:: Anna 8:07 PM [+] ::

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