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:: Saturday, January 11, 2003 ::

Biozombie



This film is so obscure, IMDB hasn't even heard of it yet. Think of it as our little secret. The soundtrack is kinda neat, too (200 KB, right-click and save).



Biozombie is a tender exploration of friendship, brotherhood, duty and courage -- set against the backdrop of a worldwide invasion of zombies from Iraq (yes you read that right).

Woody Invincible and Crazy Bee aren't just employees at a bootleg adult VCD shop, they're best friends. Inseparable, they like to cruise the mall and pitch woo to the young ladies.




Rolls and Jelly are more than just beauticians, they're best friends too. And they like nothing more than to mooch free food from Lloyd the Sushi Boy.




Sounds like a double-date, right? But what about poor Sushi Boy?



Meanwhile, a secret deal is going down at the docks. A trio of Iraqi bioweapons specialists have smuggled for sale a zombie agent (ZA) concealed in a harmless soda bottle. They've also brought a poorly restrained test-zombie, who closes the deal in the messiest way imaginable.





Only one of the buyers survives the deal, but today just isn't his day. Woody and Crazy happen to be out for a drive, and smack him with their car.




Woody and Crazy are decent chaps and they try to make the dying pedestrian feel comfortable. When he gasps something about a "soft drink," Crazy finds the soda bottle and obliges. Whoops: you should have read the ingredients more closely!



Woody and Crazy put the dead pedestrian in the trunk of their car and drive back to the mall. Isn't that what you'd do? Well yes, if you had dates for the evening. They meet Rolls and Jelly at the Sushi Bar for dinner. (Who is handing out names in Hong Kong?)



When the beer gets to their heads, Woody and Rolls sneak off to the little girls' room. Sushi Boy takes his own bathroom break, and gets attacked by the zombie who has emerged from the trunk of Woody's car. Sure that's big news, but what bad timing!




Woody organizes a posse, but the zombie is nowhere to be found. Meanwhile, Rolls tends to Sushi Boy's neck bite. It's only superficial, but Lloyd's feeling ever more zombie by the minute.




From this point, you can predict the rest of the movie. A small band of humans is trapped in a shopping mall while an ever growing army of zombies prowls the corridors. Sounds familiar, no?

Sure this film's a rip off, but at least it's stealing from the best. Plus it's full of ridiculous characters, and isn't afraid to stop and laugh at them.

Take Lloyd, for example. Sure he turns into a zombie, but he's a monster with a heart of gold. Like the other zombies, he SMASHES and MOANS, but he shows his tender side by dragging back a present for Rolls -- who still won't date him even if he is a zombie and stuff.




Every zombie aficionado will love this film. And so will the 'gamerz.' When the policemen's bullets won't stop the advancing zombies, Crazy Bee remembers the lesson of Resident Evil: only the head-shot does the trick!




Perhaps the funniest scene in the film features Lloyd tending sushi bar. Yes he's a zombie but he still has to work to pay the rent. When his zombie patrons suspect Rolls isn't really a zombie, Lloyd offers her some finger food to prove her bona fides.





Meanwhile the survivors are proving to be not-so-survivable after all. With only five humans left, Woody acts like a regular Hannibal and assembles his A-Team. More fun video game humor!







Unfortunately, the plan doesn't come together. There's just too many zombies. Mr. & Mrs. Kui go down together. The surviving trio retreat to the security room to regroup. But Crazy Bee's been bitten! Woody needs to find a way out of the mall and get his friend to the hospital fast. If only he had the proper equipment!






Crazy Bee is dying, and he knows it. He asks that his corpse be rendered zombie proof. So Woody does what any friend would do, and cuts Crazy's head off. He was already dead, wasn't he?




Now Woody and Rolls must battle their way down to the basement and find a car. But that security door looks formidable, doesn't it?




It's a good thing Lloyd shows up! Because he's still sweet on Rolls, he uses his zombie strength to lift the door and fend off the zombies while our protagonists escape. Lloyd is devoured for his troubles, but since when did any good deed go unpunished?




When they stop for gas, Woody checks the station's TV to watch for emergency bulletins. Meanwhile, Rolls is thirsty. Unwittingly, she takes a swig of ZA.



Woody can only watch in horror. What would you do in Woody's place? I think you'll agree he did the right thing.



I smell a sequel!

Biozombie is not a big budget blockbuster in any sense of those words. Instead it's a cheap yet witty take on a distinguished movie genre. If you like zombies or videogames, you'll love this movie. And if you want to set off your DVD collection with the funniest and most obscure little horror film ever, you'll want to follow the link at the top of the page and get your own copy.

Or -- heck -- go to Suncoast and browse through the bins like I did.

Two ears up!

:: Anna 8:23 PM [+] ::
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